Keeping busy provides a distraction from the pain of separation, but it also provides opportunities to make friends, get involved in clubs and activities, and embrace the college experience. Sitting around all the time wishing you were back home with your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be good for your college experience, and it probably won’t do your relationship any good either.
Plan ahead for mutually-beneficial times for regular phone calls and the like. During a call, try to multitask without removing focus from your boyfriend or girlfriend; talk while you walk on a treadmill, for instance. Plot out your visits home ahead of time so that you can ensure sufficient time to spend with your parents and family, while also sharing as much time as you can with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Recognize the time and monetary commitments that are required of a visit by your “sweetheart. " Don’t demand more of either than what your boyfriend or girlfriend can afford. If it helps, agree upon “ground rules” for the frequency of and expectations for visits. Work in visits around busy times for either or both of you (midterms, big class presentations, etc. ).
Always wanted to join a band? Do it. Feel like challenging yourself with an elective biochemistry class? Go for it. Want to write for the student newspaper? Give it a try. These kinds of opportunities for “tasting” new and different experiences don’t come around all that often in life.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about trying new things and enjoying yourself while your significant other is far away. If he or she can’t support your efforts to “find yourself” and maximize your experience, then the relationship may not be built to last anyway. A supportive boyfriend or girlfriend will want you to be happy and have a good time, but even the most secure boyfriend or girlfriend may feel a bit jealous. Make sure you talk about and also carve out actual time for fun activities you can share from a distance or when you get to be together.
You shouldn’t assume that your relationship is doomed when you head off to college, but you also should accept that it may be for the best if it does end. It might strengthen as the two of you mature and change, or it might weaken. Only time will tell.
Obviously, many things will change in your relationship when you are far apart. Amid all those changes, finding and holding onto familiar habits and activities can provide reassurance that the core elements that support your partnership remain strong.
Send flowers or gifts occasionally if that’s something you normally do, or send a weekly text of encouragement before your boyfriend or girlfriend heads off to that terrible weekend part-time job.
You can also try taking up the same new hobby or activity in your separate locations. It could be anything from karate to stamp collecting. You don’t necessarily have to be doing the new thing at the same time; just commiserate about your experiences each evening or week. Specifically for the college setting, you may want to take the same elective class during the same semester. You can talk about the similarities and differences, and help each other out to some degree in learning calculus or trying to recall the French you took in high school.
Focus on enjoying each other’s company when you get the chance. This is your opportunity to be comfortable, relaxed, and secure together. Don’t add unnecessary pressure or awkwardness.
Focus especially on building and maintaining trust, which is almost always challenged by a long distance relationship. Without a trusting foundation to begin with, a long distance relationship is in jeopardy from the start.
The first step towards support is awareness. Know what’s going on with your significant other (midterms, homecoming, etc. ) and take a genuine interest in his or her successes, opportunities, and challenges.
There is actually some benefit to idealizing your absent partner to a degree, as it helps you to deal with the challenges and stresses of separation by giving you a positive perception to cling to. However, make an effort to idealize by emphasizing your partner’s good qualities and inner beauty, not by transforming him or her into some flawless creature. If you imagine your partner as an unrealistically perfect person during your time apart, you’re going to be disappointed every time you do get to spend time together.
If you’re feeling jealous because your significant other seems to be having so much fun without you around, talk about it. Openness about your feelings will either strengthen your bond or expose issues that need to be dealt with. Distance can make it easier to hide your true feelings, but they will eventually come out anyway. Use the challenge of separation as an opportunity for relationship growth, not as an excuse to conceal things that need to be addressed.
Especially if you are in a relatively new relationship, have a frank discussion about status and expectations. Is it okay to see other people too? Don’t assume that you both see things the same way. Also, are there expectations about the frequency of calls, visits, and other forms of contact? What would constitute “not trying hard enough” or “giving up” on the relationship?
Don’t lock yourself in your dorm room to avoid temptations. Instead, practice consciously pointing out (to yourself) flaws and less desirable elements in people who trigger a spark of romantic temptation. At the same time, practice envisioning times of close connection and happiness with your partner when such feelings arise. If you can’t stop feeling romantic temptations everywhere you turn, that may be a sign of a weakening attachment to your partner. Take time to consider whether this is an inevitable decline or something that can (and should) be confronted.
Jealousy can make you unconsciously shift your perception of yourself to match what you believe are the desirable qualities in the person you see as a romantic rival. (That is, you basically change how you view yourself to replicate what you think is enticing your partner. )[13] X Research source Instead of letting unfounded jealousy change you, work to recognize and rationally consider whether your worries about a potential romantic rival have any basis in reality. Most of the time they likely will not. In any case, talk to your partner about your feelings; he or she almost certainly feels jealousy from time to time as well.
Some people spend their lives with their college sweethearts, and many don’t make it past Thanksgiving of freshman year. [15] X Research source Accept that either is possible and focus on what you can control. Give the relationship the effort it deserves, and if it doesn’t work out, chalk it up as another one of the many learning experiences you’ll have during this time of your life.
