Decide what she did wrong. Admit to any part you may have had in the conflict and focus on the specifics of what she did to offend you. Is she mean to everyone or is she only mean to you?
Surround yourself with friends that support you. Talk to your friends about how she hurt you. Give yourself a support group so you don’t have to face her alone before you are ready. [3] X Research source
Avoid victimizing or feeling sorry for yourself. The goal is to gain her understanding, not her pity. Keep an open posture. Stand straight with your arms at your sides. Don’t cross your arms over your chest as this is commonly interpreted as a defensive stance. [4] X Research source
“I think you need to know how hurtful it is when you do “X. " I feel hurt because “Y,” and I’d like you to stop doing it. " The situation isn’t just about what she has done. It is about how you have become involved. Be prepared to forgive her and reconcile.
Offer accurate examples. Avoid statements like “I hate how you lie all the time. " Frame your statement like “I felt upset when you lied to me about being too busy to talk yesterday. You lied about that last week too. "
Speak slowly and deliberately. If you find yourself starting to cry, take a moment to gather yourself. If you break down completely and find it impossible to talk, you may need to take more time to compose yourself before continuing.
Ask her how she might have felt if your positions were reversed. Be compassionate when attempting to guide her into seeing the situation from your perspective.
She may become so emotionally unstable that you are unable to continue the conversation. She may flee the conflict. If this happens, keep an open mind and give her a chance to reflect on what was said.
“You’re right, I made a mistake too. I should have done things differently. " “I think I could have handled the situation better also, I’m sorry that I hurt you. "
Forgiving her might not come instantly. Depending on how badly she hurt you, you might need time to truly forgive her. Let go of negative feelings. Holding a grudge may cause you emotional stress. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and move on.
