Make a list of features shared by all her previous boyfriends. These are likely things she makes it a priority to find in her romantic interests, and may be characteristics you should consider cultivating in yourself.
After you find out some of the things she dislikes about herself, show her how you can compliment those areas with your strengths. You could say: I hate how competitive I am. I think I’d be much happier if I learned to enjoy things instead of making them into a competition. What about you? If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
The expectation of romantic relationships to involve commitment. The accepted duration for a relationship. A belief that the “right” romantic partner will bring satisfaction. The ideal length of time acceptable before arriving at a romantic commitment (saying “I love you”). The length of time between a breakup and becoming involved in a new relationship. The acceptable length of time spent waiting for a partner to commit. The level of acceptable disagreement on basic life values. Whether or not an argument with a partner is exciting or frightening. Whether or not a polyamorous relationship is acceptable. The amount of time expected to be spent separate from friends, family, and social events/obligations. [4] X Research source
You don’t have to bare your heart and confess your love to her friends; try to earn the respect of her friends by being a nice guy. Explain how you’ve noticed she’s been stressed and ask what they think you can do. Or mention that she’s been a good friend and you want to do something nice, what do they think she’d appreciate?
Roller coasters and amusement parks are a great way to get the blood pumping without actually scaring her. A suspenseful thriller can also have this effect, though you might want to avoid slasher and gore-filled films. You don’t want yourself associated with the homicidal, even if you do want her heart.
Dilated pupils can be an indication of many things, but for your situation, most important is that pupils dilate when feeling physical or psychological pleasure. [10] X Research source Going to a movie as friends or a dimly lit coffee shop and making eye contact will send her subconscious the sign that you have chemistry.
Compliment with a hint of sexiness. Instead of saying that she looks good, you might instead say, “If only my last date were as breathtaking as you. " This way, you indicate subtly that you think you would be a good match while complimenting her. Find ways to be physically close. In all relationships, closeness is a sign of comfort and intimacy. [13] X Research source Though keep in mind, some people need more personal space than others. Don’t force closeness; find ways of naturally and comfortably coming together. The hushed atmosphere of museums makes whispering while standing close normal. Allow your touches to linger. You will need to gauge her comfort level before attempting this, as an unexpected touch can come across as pushy. But physical touch releases oxytocin in the blood, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone. “[14] X Research source [15] X Research source
Journaling about your feelings can help you feel less overwhelmed, which can be a powerful preventative for making a hasty, emotional decision. [17] X Research source Write a personal letter. This will help you get all the things you want to say down on paper, without having said them to your female friend. Now you can think about whether these might come across as too strong; the last thing you want is to scare her away, especially if there’s potential for love.
Be sure you express yourself clearly:“Has she said anything about me? I really want to be the one to tell her myself, but I’ve been thinking lately that we might be good as more than friends. "
To give yourself the best odds, you should ask on a clear, comfortable day, when she is not too tired or stressed. [19] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source
As an example, you might confess your feelings by saying, “This isn’t easy for me. I’m not the best at being vulnerable, and it’s always been hard for me to put my feelings out there. I don’t want things to change between us if you aren’t comfortable, but lately I’ve been finding myself wondering about what it would be like if we went out on a date together. "
You: “I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable by saying this, and I want you to know, no matter what happens, nothing will change on my end if you don’t want it to. But I can’t stop myself from feeling like there might be something more between us, and I have to know if you feel this way, too. "
Remember: communication is key to any healthy relationship. [23] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
