When someone betrays or hurts you, it can have a negative effect on your health through increased anxiety and stress. This can negatively impact your cardiac,[2] X Research source immune, and nervous systems. [3] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
For instance, if a spouse cheated on you or left you, you would understandably feel angry. The sense of loss you feel likely stems from the loss of being loved and being appreciated or respected. Furthermore, your spouse likely understands the way that she has hurt you. Alternatively, if a friend has an extra ticket to a concert and does not invite you, you may feel a loss of friendship and camaraderie that drives you to sorrow and anger. However, your friend may be unaware that your feelings were hurt.
If the hurt has to do with a breakup or other type of indefinite separation, then that loss may seem permanent. If the hurt has to do with being overlooked, forgotten, or otherwise disrespected then it can seem as though you lost that person temporarily by losing their attention or respect.
It’s important that the other person move on the grieving process as well, so that anger is not directed at you when you interact. Even if the other person is the one that hurt you, she can still feel a sense of loss and regret.
As a word of caution, you should try to make sure that your scream is well-muffled by the sound of your pillow to avoid worrying any neighbors.
You can collect stones alongside a river and throw them into the water after you have assigned a component of your anger to each one. [10] X Research source
If possible, remind yourself that the other person didn’t realize she was hurting you. If she did consciously hurt you, think about what led her to do so.
On the other hand, if the other party is not open to setting things right, or if the nature of the pain is such that you can never trust the other person again, reconciliation might not seem like an option.
Understand that forgiving someone may not prompt the other person to change her behavior. The purpose of forgiveness, in this sense, is to cleanse yourself of the anger and resentment building inside you. Forgiveness is for your own benefit and is an internal necessity, not an external one.
Accepting responsibility can start with eliminating negative emotions. One way to do this is to make a list of the 3 to 5 strongest negative emotions you feel, and think about how to substitute the negative emotion for a good one.
Consider if your pain has put you onto a new path leading to good things that you may not have experienced had you missed that path completely.
Surround yourself with positive people. Simply put, by exposing yourself to the optimism and positive thoughts expressed by other people, you introduce positive thinking back into your own life. As time progresses, you may even start to develop positive thoughts of your own to replace your anger.
Sending the letter is almost always a bad idea. It can easily be viewed as retaliation or be poorly received, which could escalate problems. [19] X Research source Even if you phrase it as politely as possible, the other party is likely to take it poorly, especially if she is suffering from low self-esteem or other personal pain.
If you are not a big fan of exercise, you can start small by taking more walks, channeling your energy into picking up a new hobby, or doing something nice for your friends or family.
Consult with a religious leader at your center of worship or others who share your faith for support and guidance. Read from your faith’s scriptural texts, or read spiritual books written on the matter of anger and forgiveness.
At the same time, you should also avoid letting the person who makes you angry ruin your life. If the two of you share most of your friends, go out of your way to schedule time with your friends away from the offender’s company.
