Most people have trouble seeing which urges are shoulds and which are wants. Take a moment to figure out which is which. What do you actually want? What do you feel like the rest of the world wants you to do? Are you feeling pressure from your parents, your community, society, or peers to do something they feel you should do, but you don’t feel passionate about?
Most people have trouble seeing which urges are shoulds and which are wants. Take a moment to figure out which is which. What do you actually want? What do you feel like the rest of the world wants you to do? Are you feeling pressure from your parents, your community, society, or peers to do something they feel you should do, but you don’t feel passionate about?
Make a list of all the things you want despite your fears. What would you do if you weren’t afraid of what people thought, afraid of money, or afraid of getting hurt?
For example, think about your job. If you hate your job, it may be possible that you don’t hate the job, but only hate aspects of it. Those aspects need isolating. What things would you change if you could? How might that change your outlook? Simply identifying dissatisfying elements of your life won’t make them better. Once you’ve made this list, you need to start thinking about if these are things over which you have some control, and what you can do to change them or remove them from your life. If you hate your job, maybe you need to start figuring out how to find a new position. Or, if it’s simply certain aspects of your job you don’t like, brainstorm ways to improve those things and talk to your boss about implementing some new ideas.
To help you identify your values, ask yourself these questions: Which moments in your life thus far have been the most satisfying or fulfilling? What was it about that moment that made you feel satisfied? If your house were on fire and you could only grab 3 objects (all pets and family members are already safe), what would they be? Why? What do these things represent to you? Think of two people you respect and admire. What characteristics do you admire the most about them? Why? What issues get you the most excited when you talk about them? Could you talk for hours about foreign policy, or fashion, or animal rights? Look at your answers to these questions and ask yourself if any themes, principles, or beliefs emerge from your answers. Once you have identified your values, you should find that making decisions that are in line with these beliefs will help you feel satisfied and happy. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Values can seem too vague or philosophical to be helpful, but they can give you clues into which decisions and outcomes would be most satisfying.
For example, if you value family time most but make the decision to continuously work 80 hour weeks, you may feel guilt or shame because you have violated a value that is important to you. If you value family time, make it a point to always be home by 5 p. m. , and never work during family time, you might feel proud and fulfilled because your behaviors reflect your values.
At the end of your life, what will you want people to remember about you? That you contributed to science? That you loved your family? That you were honest? If you had to choose between work and family, which would be most important? What topics are you passionate about? Environmentalism? Women’s rights? Finance? Use your passions to help you narrow down what is most important to you. If you could only save a few items from a house fire, what would they be? What about those items gives you clues about some of your core values?
For example, if you highly value green energy and recycling, but the company you work for deals mainly in oil, you may feel dissatisfied with your job or even frustrated and angry because much of your work is supporting something that you don’t agree with. You now can recognize this and work to find a job that also values green energy so they can align with your values.
Research shows that our ability to predict what we’ll want in the future is skewed, so you can only make decisions that are right for you in the present with the information you have now. Don’t focus so much on getting it right for your future-self.
Not making any decisions at all is also a deciding choice. Sometimes, not making a decision at all often causes more regret than making any decision.
You can write down the decision or state it mentally. You need to make it known to yourself what decision has to be made so you can start working towards what you want. For example, if you are trying to decide which college major to choose, you would write down, “Decide between engineering and nursing. ” If you are trying to decide how to deal with a friend, write, “Decide how to deal with my friend who makes me feel bad sometimes. ”
For example, you may look up salaries, job opportunities, and amount of time in school when choosing a career. You may consider that nurses deal with and help people daily while engineers deal with numbers and building plans. List out all of the information which is important to you.
For example, maybe you’ve limited yourself too much in just deciding between engineering and nursing. Possibly, you could also consider a general business major, an art degree, a career as a contractor, or even medical school.
For example, you can imagine yourself in engineering classes working with computers and numbers, then to your first job at an engineering firm. Imagine yourself doing this type of work every day and evaluate your emotional response. Are you satisfied with this picture? Does your work support your values? Then do the same process with nursing.
For example, you can go to your academic advisor or the dean and formally change your major. Then you can sign up for the appropriate classes.
Studies show that not knowing an outcome causes more anxiety or discomfort more than knowing that the outcome will be unfavorable. [15] X Research source For example, if you’re still undecided about nursing or engineering, take active steps to decide which you will like. Look for internships at an engineering office to get a feel for what the work environment might be like. Ask an engineer to show you what he or she does all day. Ask questions to understand more about what the job entails and what to expect. You can shadow a nurse and follow him or her around during the shift to see what a nurse actually does. Another possibility would be to take a class specific to engineering and at the same time volunteer at a hospital. Maybe at the end of the semester you’ll find that you actually can’t stand working with computers all day and that you have a knack for calming patients at your volunteering job. Even if you don’t go into engineering, the class wasn’t a waste of time — it helped you make a more informed decision, and you probably still learned a lot from the class.
Reflect on the decision to see if it still fits with your goals and values. If it does, you can stay on your current course, but if not, it may be time to reevaluate and go through the decision making process again — and that’s okay.
