You should feel comfortable saying something like, “I’m starting to feel ready to have sex with you. But before we do that, I just want to talk about a few things first. Is that okay?” If it seems unthinkable that you could do this with your partner, then you may be better off waiting. You should talk to your partner about things like whether or not you’ll be sleeping with other people, what protection you’ll be using, and where your relationship stands. Even if your relationship is more casual and you do have other sexual partners currently, it’s important to talk about this so your partner doesn’t feel blindsided. Plus, sex may not need to be the end goal. Partners find different things meaningful; maybe you two will decide to focus on different kinds of sexual intimacy.
Though it can be awkward to ask your partner where he or she stands when it comes to your relationship, this can help you get a better sense of the situation. Besides, it’s much less painful to hear that your partner doesn’t quite feel the same way you do before you have sex instead of learning the truth afterwards. You don’t have to feel like you’re falling in love with your partner before you have sex, but if you do have strong feelings, then it’s important to know that your partner feels the same way. And if you don’t have strong feelings, then it’s also good to make sure your partner is aware of this so you don’t end up hurting him or her.
If you’re feeling insecure about the relationship, then ask yourself where this is coming from. If you feel like your partner just isn’t as serious about the relationship as you are, then sex isn’t the way to take things to the next level.
Again, though this may feel awkward, especially if you’re not quite boyfriend-girlfriend yet, asking this question bluntly can give you a better sense of the situation.
Some relationships move forward a lot faster than others. If you see your partner a lot and feel like you really click right away and truly get each other, then you’ll likely be ready to have sex more quickly than if you only go on dates every two weeks over the course of a few months. Some relationships are also a lot more physical than others. If you and your partner get into some hot and heavy kissing and touching sessions early on, then you may be more ready for sex than you would be with a more slow-moving relationship. As much as you may hate hearing it, a lot of the time, when you’re ready for sex, you just know. You feel a connection with your partner and really want to take it to the next level, and a formula or timeline won’t help you very much, most of the time.
Ask yourself if you feel comfortable confiding in your partner and think that your secrets and thoughts are safe with him or her. If you suspect that your partner is just trying to get close to you for sex, then you obviously can’t trust that person.
If you two aren’t mature enough to have a civil conversation or to talk about any serious topics, then you’re not mature enough for sex. You should feel comfortable being mature with your partner before you get intimate. Otherwise, he or she may not take intimacy very seriously and having sex can drive you even further apart. Furthermore, you should make sure that you’re mature enough for sex. If you’re a teen, especially in your early teens, then you have to make sure you’re really ready.
If your partner’s religious or personal beliefs lead him to not believe in sex before marriage, then you shouldn’t try to convince him to change his or her mind. Your partner should make this decision on his own and you don’t want to be responsible for persuading him to change his long-held beliefs.
Of course, if your partner really wants to have sex with you, then this has probably come up. But if you feel inappropriate pressure to do something you’re not ready for, then you should ask yourself if your partner really cares for and respects you. Just because all of your friends might have had sex already or might have slept with their partners much sooner than you’re considering does not mean this is the right path for you. You have to follow your own ideas of what is appropriate.
If it’s your first time, then you should let your partner know, even if you’re embarrassed about it. Your partner will see that this is a big deal to you and will understand that you need to be on the same page. If you want losing your virginity to mean that you really care for the person you have sex with, then you have to make sure the person cares for you. That said, if you feel like your virginity is an albatross around your neck and are ready to get frisky without it meaning you’ve found your soulmate, then that’s fine, too. You don’t have to want the first time to be absolutely meaningful. If you have that attitude, you may wait forever to have sex for the first time.
If you’re a girl who isn’t ready for penetration, let your partner know, and he can help you get to that point. If you’re a girl who is having sex for the first time, it may hurt, even if you’re ready, so be prepared for that, and be prepared to ask your partner to stop if it’s hurting too much.
You may not realize that you don’t feel good about it until you get close to being intimate with your partner. When you start moving forward sexually, you may start to just feel like backing away, and you have the right to go with those feelings.
Though you may feel that getting drunk can help you ease your nervousness about having sex for the first time, this will actually impair your judgment and make the experience much less pleasant and memorable.
To truly listen to your mind, make sure you think about having sex with your partner when he’s not around. That way, your judgment won’t be as affected by your physical longings, and you can think about the situation more objectively.
Though condoms are said to be 98% effective when used correctly, you and your partner should both know how to use them, especially if this is your only form of birth control. If you’re taking the birth control pill, know that it does not protect you against STIs and that you and your partner should be tested before you have sex. Don’t think that a girl “can’t” get pregnant during certain times of the month even if you don’t use birth control. You should always have a plan.
Using condoms during oral sex can also prevent against STIs. This is something else you should discuss in advance. If you’re planning to have oral sex for the first time, make sure you’ve read up on that, too. [7] X Research source
Though these people can help ease your worries and give you helpful advice, know that they can’t ever tell you when is the right time to have sex. This is something that only you can know.
For sex to be consensual, you have to give your consent the entire time. As soon as you want to stop having sex, you have the right to stop it.
Instead, look at it as an opportunity to take your physical experiences with your partner to a new level. Be realistic about what will happen and you may even be pleasantly surprised.
