If you aren’t sure what to say to him, say, “I want to focus on our emotional connection, so let’s hold off on the physical stuff for now. " His reaction will let you know if he’s using you or not. If he cares about furthering the relationship without sex, he will stick around. If he doesn’t want to be with you if he isn’t getting the physical intimacy he wants, ditch him. Remember, it is your body. The most important thing is that when you say “No,” your boyfriend respects that.
Tell your boyfriend, “I really need to start saving my money, so I am going to cut back my spending a lot. " Then, if he asks you for money or to pay for something, you can remind him of this. Again, his reaction will tell you what you need to know. The same approach can be taken with any other thing your boyfriend might be using you for, such as popularity, gifts, etc. It may seem tough at first, but a quality boyfriend will stick it out if he thinks the relationship is worth it.
For example, does he make any simple, yet meaningful gestures, such as bringing you a coffee when he knows you are tired or sending you an encouraging text message when he knows you are having a bad day?
Take special note of the things he does when he gets no benefit in return. If he does nice things simply to make you feel good, that’s a great sign.
When you’re away from him, reflect on the relationship. Are you getting from him the same amount that you give to him? Healthy relationships are mutually beneficial. By giving him space, you also will be able to see how he does on his own, without whatever he might be using you for.
Is this a repeated behavior, or are you holding a grudge over something he did once, six months ago? While you should look out for yourself and stand your ground, there are also times when you have to be willing to forgive and forget if he’s said sorry. Forgetting to call you when he said he would is annoying. Blowing you off on your birthday because he had something else to do is unacceptable. Go down the list and be honest about how bad his actions are, and how down they make you feel.
Don’t air out the dirty laundry of your relationship to anyone and everyone who will listen. This can create more problems. Only consult trustworthy and well-intentioned people.
It is crucial to enter the conversation calmly and with a level head. Even if you feel hurt or angry, the conversation will not be productive if you spend it crying and cursing at him.
Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you” so he doesn’t think you are attacking him. Saying something like, “I feel sad when we only spend time together at night” will sound better to your boyfriend than, “You only call at night and I hate it. “[8] X Research source
Remember, your feelings are valid. Even if your boyfriend believes he has done nothing wrong, don’t let him make you feel guilty for feeling the way you do.
If you plan on staying with your boyfriend and are satisfied that he is in it for the right reasons, make sure that you create a plan with him. If your feelings are being hurt and you’ve felt like you’re giving more than you’re getting, you need to figure out how to correct these issues. Otherwise, you’ll end up back in the exact same situation.
