Your partner may say that they love you a lot and want to be with you all the time. [2] X Research source [3] X Expert Source Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 October 2021. If every single time you step out of the house, even if it’s just to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy or to get coffee, you hear your partner say, “I’ll come, too!” then he or she may be a parasite. If you suddenly notice that your partner is always doing the things you used to love doing alone, from morning yoga to taking a walk after dinner, then he or she may be a parasite. If your partner also cannot do anything by him or herself, whether it’s to have a coffee date with a new acquaintance or to get an oil change, and is always asking you to come along, then you may be in a parasitic relationship.
This may be your significant other’s way of ensuring you stay together forever. After all, who wants to deal with the awkwardness of breaking up when you have the exact same friends? If your significant other never had any other friends to begin with, this should also be another cause for concern. This is a sign that the person isn’t capable of forming close bonds with people he or she isn’t dating. [5] X Research source
Your partner may want control over your finances. [7] X Research source [8] X Expert Source Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 October 2021. The person might even say, “I’d love to go out to dinner, but you know I’m so broke this month. " This is a way of tricking you into paying while making you think it’s your idea. Even if you have tons of money to spare, this should still be a warning sign. If the person you’re dating is so willing to take advantage of your money, he or she will also be just as willing to take advantage of your emotions.
Though it may hurt, write two lists: one, a list of all the favors you’ve done for your partner, and two, a list of all the favors he or she has done for you. They don’t match up, do they?
If you find that when the two of you go out, you have to constantly spend all of your time by your partner’s side or he or she gets hurt or jealous, then you have a problem.
If your partner is hurt, angry, jealous, or distant whenever you leave the house without him or her, even if you’re just grabbing coffee with your cousin Sally, then he or she resents your individuality. If your partner checks in on you and asks when you’ll be home every five minutes when you’re out, then he or she may be a parasite. It may not be possible to convince them even though you show your phone or tell them where you have been. [12] X Research source [13] X Expert Source Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
When you tell these people they’re wrong, you end up driving them away. Then your partner gets exactly what he or she wants – even more of your time and attention.
In a healthy relationship, both partners get to talk about their problems and concerns equally. If you feel like your partner is doing at least 80% of the talking and you’re not particularly shy, then you have a problem. If any time you mention yourself, your partner tries to make your problems seem smaller by saying that he or she has it so much worse, then you have a problem.
Both people should be able to share in a relationship, and if every time you try to talk about yourself, your partner says he or she is busy or tired, interrupts you and tries to make it all about him or herself, or just gets a glazed look that makes it clear he or she isn’t listening, then you are getting used.
Sure, it’s not a big deal to give in on some of the small stuff, like about where to have dinner or what to watch on TV. But this habit can make it easier for you to give in on the big things, like deciding where to move together.
If you don’t even get thanked for all of the favors you’re doing, then you are definitely getting taken advantage of. If your partner never compliments you or tells you how nice you look on date night, then you may be being used.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should compliment each other and say “I love you” around the same amount – and only when they actually mean it.
Guilt should not be the driving force in any healthy relationship. Do you find yourself constantly doing things for your partner where you sacrifice all your pleasures just to make them happy? If you do not fulfill their wishes, do they withdraw from you until you give in? Are you made to feel that your partner is nothing without you or can not survive without you. These are signs that you may be in a parasitic relationship.
A parasite doesn’t just drain your wallet and free time. But they can rip you off your energy levels—spiritually, emotionally and physically. A parasitic partner can suck the life out of you. You are constantly giving him or her emotional, financial support, convincing him or her that everything is okay, and they can even drag you into their problems making you feel equally responsible for whatever miserable state they are in. In a healthy relationship, partners empower each other and make each other feel like anything is possible. In a parasitic relationship, one partner drains the other partner’s energy, making him feel incapable of doing anything.
In a healthy relationship, two people gain a stronger sense of themselves as they bond together as a couple; in a parasitic relationship, one person tries to take on the qualities of the other person and doesn’t give him any time to figure out who he really is.
Ask yourself, would your partner still be with you if it wasn’t for your nice apartment/new car/big bank account/good looks? If you even hesitate a second before answering, then you’re getting used.
You may not even have noticed that you’ve stopped caring about becoming a nurse or a chef because you’re too busy trying to help your partner find his or her way. If your partner never even asks about what you want for your future or how you see your career five years down the line, then it may be because he or she is only interested in him or herself.
